If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
