i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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