Christians are straight up FREAKS
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
