Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
