If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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