i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
