I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
