Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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