Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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