I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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