So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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