I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
