Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Come see our sink grown plant.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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