All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
