Christians are straight up FREAKS
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
