he thought i was a dude.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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