Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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