the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
