Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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