When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
