I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
