He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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