Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
