Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
