you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
