So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
