hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
