god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
