when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
