I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
