I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
