mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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