your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
