Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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