His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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