3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
