Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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