yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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