You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
this is an emotional support booty call
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
