i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
