ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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