No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
