I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
