I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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