wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
