the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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