i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They took my balls.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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