i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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