Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
