Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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