peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I will pee on everything he values.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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