Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
