No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
