hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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