So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Are we still banned from the library?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
