It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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