I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
