if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
