Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
