Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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