Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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