walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
