i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
