Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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