the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
