Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We have so much sex to catch up on
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
