you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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