I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
