Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
