I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
