from now on my penis is your penis
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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