My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
