This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
