That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
