Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i believe in u and ur pee
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
