this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
