youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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