He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
