I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
