There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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