Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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