Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wear drunk well.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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