Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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