Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I would ride that face into the sunset
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
