ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
