Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize