He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
